Bottom Line Article II | CBS Thailand-Vietnam 2003 Study Tour

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Lora Lindsey Barabash (who borrowed generously from the musings of her group-mates)

When I first saw the list of who was going I recognized a few names – people I knew, but not very well and I assured myself that at least my sister Kelly would be along. We arrived at the airport late in the evening during a snow storm and queued up for China Airlines along with about 1000 Chinese people with no concept of body space. I met the first gentlemen from our trip when an older Chinese woman gave a random Chinese baby to Patrick Dumont to hold while she rearranged her bags and got her ticket. Being the curious person I am (ask any second year from cluster H), I asked the ticket agent why that woman would allow a total stranger to hold her child. She said that it wasn’t her child but that the child was part of a program where Chinese-American families send their infants back to China to be raised by their extended family so that they can grow up with Chinese values. Our flight to Bangkok began with no less than 25 babies.

The itinerary in Bangkok was amazingly planned and executed. Our trip started off right with a dinner cruise on the River complete with live traditional Thai Dancers and musicians. While we were in Bangkok we also took in some local culture including a night of Thai Boxing followed by a typical Thai night out at a club with a live stage show, not to be upstaged by the Calypso Cabaret Drag Show that we also attended.

The party crowd on the trip, of which I lay no claim to being able to keep up with, attacked the bars and nightclubs with a vengeance. My biggest question was how Jamie Kern was able to sleep only 2 hours a night and show up for our 6am meetings in full makeup and styled hair for two weeks. I dream about where my career would be if I were able to pull those kinds of hours.

On our second night out in Bangkok, a hard man crumbled. The party crowd made their way to one the great spectacles of the Thai culture, the ‘Tiger’ show. No big cats are involved. Anyway, while they were ordering beer, a hostess that spoke fluent English began to joke with them. She sat down on the lap of one of our companions, much to his confusion (we’ll call him Amore). Amore is a pretty conservative dude, so he tried to sit as upright as possible, and gently began to edge her off his legs. We began to laugh at his discomfort, when the hostess pulled a fried chicken claw out of her pocket and jammed it into Amore’s mouth. Patrick spit up his beer, Jamie lost it, and Amore took it all and ate the foot. Big tips were earned for that. Apparently, the only thing these girls needed to say to wriggle the coin from our guys was, "It would bring me great happiness if you buy Carlsberg beer." Those tough businessmen!

After a few days in Bangkok we traveled to Viet Nam. I never realized that Viet Nam was two words until I went there and now it all makes sense why in the old war movies the veterans call it Nam. Flying into Nam was an eerie experience for me – from the plane I saw little industrialization, lots of rice patties and a brand new, sparkling airport. It took me back to my days in the Peace Corps in Ukraine – I knew that from this point on all of our movements were going to be watched.

Our first stop in Viet Nam was in Hanoi. There we became acquainted with the standard local mode of transportation, the motorbike. They carry families of four, pigs and tourists all the same (or “same same” as the locals who spoke English would say). Traffic rules, if they exist, are not obeyed, and chaos rules the day. Some of our group rented motorbikes and went for a ride around town. Getting out of the rental area was tough. It quickly got worse for some. Patrick crashed crossing his first major intersection, going into a tree, over the handlebars and into some parked bicycles, which he broke. Several hours into it, they were riding like natives, while still drawing stares and smiles from fellow motorists.

In Viet Nam the currency is called Dong. Smiley Dan, as Kelly and I have nicknamed him, overheard the following, "There's no market to exchange the Vietnamese currency, we're going to be stuck with it. That means that we're all long Dong."  To alleviate this problem, six of our crowd went to a Vietnamese restaurant that was one of the more up-scale establishments in Hanoi. To their chagrin, they could not get the bill to 1 million Dong. They ordered everything on the menu and came up 17,000 short.

After Hanoi we went to Ho Chi Minh City. Natives still call it Saigon. One of our more confounding experiences happened there late one night, after dinner as some of the crowd was heading to a club called Apocalypse Now. Jimmy was excited to get there because the one in Hanoi had played American dance music and had a good crowd. He hurried ahead, and was some distance in front of the group when he turned to see where we were. As he turned back, 8-10 girls wearing outfits that ranged from lingerie to porn rushed out of the building in front of him and mobbed him. He let out a little yelp, as the sea of arms carried him towards the door. Within seconds he was gone from sight. Patrick ran to the door, kicked it open, and saw the horror. Jimmy was being pawed and groped by his abductors, who were purring for him to remove his clothing and stay. Patrick grabbed Jimmy by the collar and yelled: “NO.” The nice ladies giggled and released Jimmy and he and Patrick ran for it.

We had interesting experiences during the day in Saigon as well. There is an “American” war memorial near Saigon that is made around the Cu Chi tunnels. Here you can get caught by actual trip wire (with mini-explosion), crawl through the tunnels that were the backbone of the resistance in the area during the war, and fire machine guns at the range. Favorites included the M-60 and the M-16. Each bullet is one US dollar. Hitting 2 or more targets gets you a medal and a book on the valor of those who operated within the tunnels. Beer is 80 cents.

"How many Americans do you think they show this frightening war exhibit to?" we asked our Tour Guide. "As many as they can," he responded.

And now the moment you have all been waiting for…

THE 2003 THAILAND-VIET NAM STUDY TRIP AWARDS

The award for biggest partiers on the trip goes to the group including Patrick Dumont, Jimmy Gerhart, John Amore, Dan Wilmer, Jamie Kern, and Dani Grindlinger who managed to go out and explore the nightlife of Thailand and Vietnam every night without fail.

The award for the biggest US patriot goes to Kimberly Leighton.

The award for the best karaoke dance performance, including literally the ripping off of both shirts he was wearing, goes to John Amore for the song I’m Too Sexy.

The award for best karaoke singer goes to Professor Beim with his tear-jerking performance of “Only You”.

The award for worst karaoke singer goes to Professor Beim with his confusing performance of “Car Wash”.

The poster child Chazen girl pin up award goes to Amy Ross.

The award for the most often challenging propaganda goes to Lora Barabash.

The award for best mom goes to Nathalie Weeks.

The award for getting hit on by the Vietnamese Customs official and almost missing the plane goes to Samantha Packer.

The award for most dangerous on a motorbike (and seriously imposing a threat to human life) goes to both Patrick Dumont and Ian Woo.

The shop-aholic award goes to Anna Sapoznikova for needing a cart at the airport for her shopping bags.

The award for most pieces of luggage goes to Josh Klenoff.

The good sport award goes to Jamie Kern who had one of her suitcases accidentally fall from a boat into the Mekong River, which luckily was retrieved.

The comic relief award goes to Jimmy Gerhart who managed to have the back of the bus laughing most of the trip.

Most likely to be mistaken for a Viet Cong soldier award goes to Kelly Lindsey.

Most likely to get the honeymoon suite award: Anson Lang and Rachel Strong.

Most likely to have hooked up with a male Brittany Spears impersonator award: Edmund Lim.

The Biggest Asset to Columbia Business School award goes to Professor Beim and his wife Elizabeth Beim for their incredible class, professionalism and knowledge. We were fortunate to have had them representing all of Columbia Business School to leaders in Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia.

The Hardest Workers awards go to Nate Aiyaranaparak and Edmund Lim who pulled and incredible trip off without a glitch. The hours upon hours of hard work and preparation paid off in a big way and we owe so much to these two for making this trip the experience of a lifetime.